Friday, April 30, 2010
Me: "If someone hits you what do you do?"
Mason: "Hit 'em right back. But harder 'den they hit you. Right Mommy? Das what you do? I push 'em hard until they fall. Just like when I push Max."
Me: "If a stranger says to come with them do you go?"
Mason: "Yes. Wait. Do I? Hmm. Maybe I stay wif my teachers."
Me: "Honey, do you know what a stranger is?"
Mason: "Yes. A kind of tiger."
Me: "Mm good guess, but it is not a tiger."
Mason: "I don't know. But I am going wif dem never. Rwight?"
Right. We'll work more on the stranger danger later. For now, I think Max has it covered. Because, Mr. Stranger look at him, I dare you, he will lose his shit. I dare you.
Me: "Next, question. Do we eat candy before bed?"
Mason: "No because you should be reading your books and candy makes your hands sticky and sticky hands make mommy mad and books makes you nice and I should be reading" (All said in 30 seconds, with no breathing in between words. Hello run on sentence of the century).
Mason (again): "And no candy before dinner either. Because you will get SICK. That's what Yo Gabba Gabba told me, too much candy will make you sick. Focus mommy".
Right. But you forgot to mention the cavity factor or that eating chocolate five minutes (or five hours) before bed will have you HOPPED UP on sugar and the goal of this bedtime fantasy I speak of is SLEEP. For all of us. That's why I call it a fantasy. And I am so glad to know that everything I tell you to teach you is going directly out the other ear, but please continue listening to Yo Gabba Gabba, I am sure he is a wealth of knowledge.
Me: "What are 'your manners'?"
Mason: "Yes man (ma'am), thanks for some juice, Thanks, Welcome, K? Oh and fanks for asking me dat question Mommy but I'm all done with your game because I don't know anymore and I'm done talking now".
Well thank you for using your manners.
Me: "Just one more question please!"
Mason: "(sigh) Okay Mommy, just one more."
Me: "Who's birthday is coming up!?"
Mason: "Max, but not me. Because I just had my birfday. Now I'm free. And then I'll be 4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10."
Me: "Is Max getting a cake?"
Mason: "Yup a dinosaur cake because I wike those."Me: "But you already had your cake at your birthday. When you were three, remember?"
Mason: "Yes I remember. But itI still like them even though it is not my birfday. And he doesn't know his words, DATS WHY HE CRIES (said very loudly to make sure I got it). So I'm picking for him and I picked a dinosaur cake. Okay?!"
Because that all totally makes sense. Were going to have one pissed off dinosaur lover when the June bash rolls around and there is no myriad of dinosaur figurines atop the birthday cake. Sorry Mason sometimes you don't always get whatcha' want, or something like that.
And because I'm super sneaky I snuck in another question under Mason's super "No thank you I'm done talking" radar.Me: "When Mommy is driving can she use her cell phone?"
Mason: Very firmly spoken. "NO. because you cannot see if you are on the phone. Remember, always be careful on the road, don't hit any people or roads or trees and stuff because you will get hurt and go to timeout. And Daddy will NOT buy you another car. Okay?"
Because I can see out of my ears right? I am magical like that. Almost like a witch.
And there you have Jeopardy ala Mason. It appears that my child would go with a stranger, if they let him watch Yo Gabba Gabba and eat candy before bed time, but hey, at least, he'd say please. Raw and unedited, straight from the mouth of babes. I'll file this as a mini-Masonism.
Monday, April 26, 2010
- Happy hour is just as fun when it's at a park, post afternoon nap, with apple juice & goldfish. And the company is way better than anyone your bound to meet at a real happy hour location. Unless it's your super cool sisters or husband, in which case the company is superb.
- Dave Matthews Band does not drown out a pissed tantrumming toddler. Nor does Norah Jones, Train or The Script. No matter how much you turn the volume dial, you are going to lose. Your children can scream LOUDER. Lose.
- Traveling without benedryl but with two small children is probably not something Einstein would do. But hey, I'm not Einstein. Flight 494, back in March would probably concur.
- Raisins do not digest and Lucky Charms color Pampers not just the rainbow. Fabulous and too much information all in one sentence.
- The easter bunny is more frightening than a hockey masked fugitive.
- Baby wipes are the best mop and shower I've had access to in over a
weekyear. And you should never pay the extra 2 bucks for brand name wipes. In case you wanted my buying advice.
- It is best to be friends with people who have children when you do. Because when you child is losing his/her shit with the fit of the century, you can rest assured theirs just did five minutes prior or will in the next five minutes. When said fit ensues, you can then whisper to yourself "Thank God it's not my kid again" and be glad people still hang out with you.
- Keep reminding your toddler that their baby brother is their pet and you will not be getting a puppy or a ferret or a killer whale for the next overly commercialized holiday or probably, ever.
Those are my Monday musings. You should take notes, because even though I don't play an expert on TV, I'm one in real life. My husband is in the process of throwing away his Encyclopedias as we speak. He married the wealth of all knowledge. Monday is for musings. I will not be held responsible for your actions based on my expert advice above. Can I get a drink?
Saturday, April 24, 2010
A is for adventurous. Animated. Amazing.
S is for sly. Super sly. Special.
O is for outgoing.
N is for nosy. Nimble.
M is for mellow.
A is for alert. Amusing. Adorable.
X is for eXtraordinary.
I is for innocent.
M is for messy. Mysterious. Meddler.
O is for observant. Opportunistic.
M is for Marci, me, mother. Mason and Max made me a mother. And they are mine.
Friday, April 23, 2010
At school he uses the potty and has yet to be sent home in his spare clothing set I sent in for accidents. The other day I was picking him up from school and was about fifteen minutes early, so they were still in their classes playing. I peeked in to see if I could just watch him interacting and see what he was doing, but I couldn't spot the grey tee I'd sent him in that AM. I kept scanning the room and even stepped back in the hall to make sure I was at the right room. I was. Double take, I found his black and white samba's and noticed he was head to toe in royal blue. I sent him to school in a cute grey shirt with a nice pair of khaki cargo shorts and they were sending him home a Smurf. It was then I realized I'd taken his extra set of clothes out of his backpack that weekend to pack a "diaper bag" for the car and never stuck the clothing back in. Poor Mason had to wear some random outfit the teachers had stuffed away in their "extras" closet. Based on the overall color fading and tightness of the shorts I'm guessing they weren't even from the 3's class he's in but probably a size 18 months. Mommy fail.
His teacher explained he had an accident during their nap, yet he hadn't even slept. Joy. Peed his pants AND skipped a nap. But that didn't even bother me...I mean all kids have accidents, I'd been extremely lucky to have been unscathed to this point with no soaked underoos on a weekly basis. I was counting my lucky stars that this was the one time it'd happened and I wasn't mid Target run. But what bothered me was this tacky little outfit they'd squeezed him in to instead. I know how incredibly shallow it sounds, but it's the truth. I rushed him out of that class to the parking lot quicker than we've moved, well ever. I didn't want someone to think I'd chosen that outfit for him...it wasn't the "Oh how cute your toddler picked rain boots and a Halloween costume this morning" style, it was "Wow that lady needs to invest in clothes that fit her kid and aren't Smurf like". Shallow. Fail.
Once we'd successfully escaped the school grounds and were hidden deep in our SUV, I turned around and cracked up at just the sight of him. He was so proud of his ensemble. I asked him what happened to his nice shorts and he nonchalantly explained "I peed my pants, k mommy? It's okay, I'm still a big boy". I reassured him that he was still a very big boy and that we all have accidents. Again, the accident was the least of my worries. I said "Who's clothes are those?" He had no clue, but he told me he wanted to wear this outfit everyday, because he loved this shirt so much. He kept telling me how awesome he looked and that all the kids wanted to wear his shirt. I started to feel guilty and ridiculous and instead of correcting him with my opinion that the shirt was not so awesome and that he looked like he was wearing jammie shorts and too much blue, I said "Mason you do look awesome". He rightfully said "Because I am awesome Mommy. Oh this Mickey shirt makes me so awesome". Awesome people. Ridiculously awesome.
And if that isn't the best blackmail picture for prom night, I don't want to see what is.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Main entry: ty-rant.
This morning I had a little battle of the wills with my always sweet, almost ten month old ball of sunshine (and stubbornness). This kid will not eat if he cannot feed himself. He has now successfully mastered the graceful pincher grasp way of eating and moved on to fist full shoveling manner of cavemen dining. First of all I should have known better with all my motherly wisdom than to offer sugared rings of greatness, often referred to by the general population as Fruit Loops, before offering eggs...or cantaloupe...or peach slush (or puree, whatever you call it).Max was absolutely pissed when I took away the rest of the loops away to offer him something, hmm, oh I don't know...nutritious, slightly balanced and not part of his complete breakfast. Totally unrestrained by law, I had no say as he shrieked unpleasantly and upset the general population's (Mason) peaceful breakfast, causing more rage. All my egg bribing success was shot when Mason saw Max win what I like to call, mom-gives-in-if-I-just-keep-screeching battle. Total uprising at 8:00 in our house this AM. My children overthrew the communist leader, they often refer to as Mommy. The new leader was a hit, leading his first successful breakfast type strike. The leader was Maximo, my little fruit loop tyrant.He ruled oppressively with absolute power.
You better believe the whole house dined on Fruit Loops for breakfast. Happily ever after.
Monday, April 12, 2010
On another note...last Easter we had one basket full of goodies on our kitchen table. This year we had TWO. Obviously the last year has been full of changes for us. I mean considering a year ago, we were a family of 3, Mason was just two and barely verbal (yeah, 3 is very different), I was very pregnant, we didn't even know Mr. Max yet; hell we didn't even know his name was going to Max! Like I said, full of changes. I think we've had a pretty damn good year. It's been busy and crazy and it's quite a difference from where we were a year ago. But it's been a year of great changes and we've all adjusted wonderfully. Maximo is the biggest difference and the best change of all (obviously right?). It's so hard to believe that last Easter he wasn't raiding Mason's basket and breaking his eggs in half, trying to steal and quickly inhale M&M minis before someone snatched them from him; you know just wreacking havoc of sorts. I can't even begin to fathom our lives without him. Life is a lot less calm a year later, a lot more different, but a lot more fun. Busier? yes. Worth it? hell yes.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Here's the rundown of Mason's Disney faves:
1st place character: Why, Mickey Mouse, of course. There is something to be said about a character coming to live. Mason isn't huge in to most cartoons, he can take or leave Super Why and he doesn't really have the Yo Gabba Gabba obsession like a lot of preschoolers (Hallelujah for that!), but he's always been drawn to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. It was the first licensed cartoon character he fell in love with. I was trying to explain to my sister how weird and enthralling it must be to watch some guy on TV every morning, have idolized figurines and stuffed animals of this character and then one day be eating breakfast with him. Total rush. I couldn't really explain this, but thankfully my mother said "Like if you got to meet the Kardashians, Emma!" Yes, exactly Mom. Sans Kim, Kourtney and Khloe figurines, pretty much, exactly. Mickey was breathtaking and Mason wasn't totally in to being all lovey-dovey with him. He wouldn't hug him or anything exciting but he didn't cling to Michael for dear life like he did when a lot of other characters approached. Because Mickey is numero uno for Mason and I think he might always hold a special place in Licensed Character Heaven for my little boy. Thanks for kicking ass and being awesome Mr. Mouse, you made someone's day this March. Probably even his whole month.
After one bite of gummi worms and peanut butter pizza he politely asked for scrambled eggs and strawberries.I was slightly relieved, because if he'd consumed even 1/4th of that breakfast pictured above we would've been kicked out of California for disturbing the peace. I think he was overwhelmed and totally stoked that he could have anything he wanted for breakfast, including dessert, that he got a little crazy with his picks. He doesn't like sweets that much, so I was surprised with his round one plate. He was equally amazed with the cereal bar as he was with Mickey Mouse himself.
The Pixar parade was a huge hit. It doesn't have a fancy category favorite to fall under, but it was really cool and showcased basically all the favorite movies in our house. A little Nemo, some Incredibles, lots of Toy Story and what better way to end a day than with a life size Lightening McQueen?Mason's not so favorites were...traveling (I think this would be the case for all of us), leaving Disney and the beach, characters actually touching you (stranger danger). He was so excited with the idea of meeting Mickey and well with Mickey he stayed excited, but when B-list characters like Jasmine from Aladdin and Buloo from Jungle Book came up to greet us at breakfast he was all "I'm gonna devour this bacon so I can ignore you" style. Everything else he loved. We all loved it. I mean what is there not to love about sunshine and Disneyland? Let's be real.
Friday, April 2, 2010
As soon as we were done Mason got all toothy-smiled and droopy-eyed like the bunny. The next night he professed his love for "dat bunny at the mall" and told me HIS Easter bunny was bringing him a Wii and a ferret. Umm..I'm totally for high hopes, but you might want to lower those expectations baby. First of all it's Easter, your bunny is brining you band-aids, bubbles and a chocolate bunny. If you didn't hate the Bunny after meeting him, you surely will by Sunday when you wake up Wii and ferret-less.