jeopardy .

In the car Mason and I talk. A lot. This week I wanted to "quiz" him and see what answers he came up with for some of my important and then not so important questions. I'd have to give him a C. His answers were funny and the laughing that took place was well deserved on his part. He is such a riot and I seriously don't know where he comes up with half of the things that slip out of his mouth. He speaks the truth, well his truth.

Me: "If someone hits you what do you do?"
Mason: "Hit 'em right back. But harder 'den they hit you. Right Mommy? Das what you do? I push 'em hard until they fall. Just like when I push Max."

WRONG.

Me: "If a stranger says to come with them do you go?"
Mason: "Yes. Wait. Do I? Hmm. Maybe I stay wif my teachers."
Me: "Honey, do you know what a stranger is?"
Mason: "Yes. A kind of tiger."
Me: "Mm good guess, but it is not a tiger."
Mason: "I don't know. But I am going wif dem never. Rwight?"

Right. We'll work more on the stranger danger later. For now, I think Max has it covered. Because, Mr. Stranger look at him, I dare you, he will lose his shit. I dare you.

Me: "Next, question. Do we eat candy before bed?"
Mason: "No because you should be reading your books and candy makes your hands sticky and sticky hands make mommy mad and books makes you nice and I should be reading" (All said in 30 seconds, with no breathing in between words. Hello run on sentence of the century).
Pause.
Mason (again): "And no candy before dinner either. Because you will get SICK. That's what Yo Gabba Gabba told me, too much candy will make you sick. Focus mommy".


Right. But you forgot to mention the cavity factor or that eating chocolate five minutes (or five hours) before bed will have you HOPPED UP on sugar and the goal of this bedtime fantasy I speak of is SLEEP. For all of us. That's why I call it a fantasy. And I am so glad to know that everything I tell you to teach you is going directly out the other ear, but please continue listening to Yo Gabba Gabba, I am sure he is a wealth of knowledge.

Me: "What are 'your manners'?"
Mason: "Yes man (ma'am), thanks for some juice, Thanks, Welcome, K? Oh and fanks for asking me dat question Mommy but I'm all done with your game because I don't know anymore and I'm done talking now".

Well thank you for using your manners.

Me: "Just one more question please!"
Mason: "(sigh) Okay Mommy, just one more."
Me: "Who's birthday is coming up!?"
Mason: "Max, but not me. Because I just had my birfday. Now I'm free. And then I'll be 4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10."
Me: "Is Max getting a cake?"
Mason: "Yup a dinosaur cake because I wike those."Me: "But you already had your cake at your birthday. When you were three, remember?"
Mason: "Yes I remember. But itI still like them even though it is not my birfday. And he doesn't know his words, DATS WHY HE CRIES (said very loudly to make sure I got it). So I'm picking for him and I picked a dinosaur cake. Okay?!"

Because that all totally makes sense. Were going to have one pissed off dinosaur lover when the June bash rolls around and there is no myriad of dinosaur figurines atop the birthday cake. Sorry Mason sometimes you don't always get whatcha' want, or something like that.

And because I'm super sneaky I snuck in another question under Mason's super "No thank you I'm done talking" radar.Me: "When Mommy is driving can she use her cell phone?"
Mason: Very firmly spoken. "NO. because you cannot see if you are on the phone. Remember, always be careful on the road, don't hit any people or roads or trees and stuff because you will get hurt and go to timeout. And Daddy will NOT buy you another car. Okay?"

Because I can see out of my ears right? I am magical like that. Almost like a witch.
And there you have Jeopardy ala Mason. It appears that my child would go with a stranger, if they let him watch Yo Gabba Gabba and eat candy before bed time, but hey, at least, he'd say please. Raw and unedited, straight from the mouth of babes. I'll file this as a mini-Masonism.