Tuesday, July 20, 2010

mommy fail.

On Monday Mason had swim class - he's been doing it about a month now and it has worked wonders. He can swim unassisted about 20 feet. He is so proud and will refuse to wear floaties, which WAS the point, but man it can be annoying when I want to sit peacefully in the sun and watch him swim - instead of being splashed and dunked by my three year old. Anyway, this isn't even the point of the story...

....the story is about Max the bottle thief. We were sitting in the viewing area watching Mason kick and float and blow bubbles and "dive" for rings and so on. Max was not amused, needed a nap and a snack (or really probably just some lunch). Guess what I didn't have? A SNACK. So I let him walk around and lo and behold, Max finds a baby, probably just a few weeks younger than him, with a bottle. We kind of just weaned Max from his bottle. We kind of ran out of formula and there were no bottles to be found. And just like that he was weaned. And pissed. The minute, no, no, the second he saw that bottle he had a mission. Steal bottle. Drink other kids formula. Show mommy who's boss in this joint.

I was able to steer him away from the baby, who didn't know what he had coming to the sibling play area for about five minutes. Then either the bottle came back in to view or Max remember. He flung himself all around and threw a mini Max fit reaching for the bottle making this little hand motion that means I WANT THAT NOW. It's usually for a sippy cup of juice, because that's what Mason has. I glanced at teh clock and wanted to throw a mommy fit - we had nearly 15 minutes of class left. Sounds like nothing, just 15 minutes. Yeah? YOU TRY ENTERTAINING A FLOPPY, OVERTIRED, 1 YEAR OLD FOR 15 MINUTES. It's an eternity.

They have a big bowl of dum dums for the students after class. It's probably Mason's favorite part of being a student - the sweet reward after his swimming. Sometimes he'll remind me that he gets a lollipop for about an hour before class. Then he'll ask me (usually right after he finished it and were pulling out of the parking lot of swim school) "Remember that lollipop I got at swimming last day mommy? I loved that? Pops make you big and strong. So do veg-it-bles. Just wike my Daddy. Wight Mommy?" Hmm, I don't think I've forgotten just yet Mason, remind me in oh six more minutes, and yes, lollipops will make you big and strong, or something like that.

I grabbed one to share with Max. It sounded like a good idea in the heat of the moment, okay. Not a good idea. The minute I realized he was waaaaaaay too little to do this and kept trying to pull the entire dum dum off with his teeth, swim class got out. Floppy baby screaming, big kid whining he was cold because he just finished swimming, ten other parents looking at me like "I feel ya lady. I am so glad my floppy kid didn't get a taste of a dum dum, because why would you think that was a good idea?"

We finally made it towards the exit. Mason saw the bowl of dum dums and reminded me he was a good little swimmer and got some treats. The sign CLEARLY states "Take one per student please" and Mason grabbed three, because he's three. Seems rational to me. Then the cashier reminded me "Today's the last day to re-enroll for Fall" with a super huge annoying grin that meant GREAT, let me walk to my car in the 100 degree weather, grab my wallet, while making sure Mason kept up in lollipop lala land - and Max was still flopping and whining and pissed that he didn't have a bottle OR a dum dum.

I swear to you whenever I am in a hurry, the service industry is NOT. It's just like Murphy's law or whatever. So I'm standing at the cashier, patiently waiting to shell out a gross amount of money on Fall lessons and the two girls behind the desk are giggling and NOT HELPING ME RE ENROLL. Mommy spies chips a hoy - genuis - THIS will calm Max down. I buy them give each boy one, enroll and Monday has totally turned around. Score. We get in the car and I hand each bitty "the last cookie for the boy's" (words straight from the mouth of MOM) - you know, just to make it home with minimal chaos.

Max was satisfied. Cookies did him good. Mason though threw a fit because I wouldn't give him just one more cookie. Because he's three.

When we finally got home. I gave Mason another cookie. I gave Max a bottle out of guilt. 3 dum dums, 5 cookies and a regression back to the bottle all before noon? Mommy fail.

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