Max-isms.

This is my first Max-ism post. He's always been a chatter box, but lately he's hit an all time high. Most of it is just random cuteness that he does/says. And probably not really that funny.


- Whenever I ask "Who wants XYZ (raisins, apple sticks, juice box, etc)"? Mason always says "I do!" and Max's response? "Maximo William does". Thanks for the formality Maximo. Which by the way, WE NEVER CALL HIM.

- Along the way we've acquired a ton of stuffed animals (seriously, I hate most toys, but I LOATHE stuffed animals). One of which is Smurf. I don't even think it's a real Smurf.  Who makes knock off stuff animals?? The boys take turns sleeping with it and it's not really that funny, but I love that Max calls it "a smartie'' instead of a Smurf. I don't have the heart to correct him and I hope he ALWAYS calls it that.

- He refuses to sleep with a shirt on. I thought this was something teenage boys did, but not two year olds?? It is hilarious and precious.

- He is obsessed with superheroes. And legos. And army guys. Which you would know even if you didn't know him by just seeing him out  and about. EVER. Most days he insists on wearing his cape, even if we aren't leaving the house. He carries this little man purse (I think it's to a play doctor kit) with all his army guys in it, and a few random legos, and a sippy cup. Random right? You never know when your are going to need a GI JOE and a drink. I'm with you Max. Cheers baby!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
Yup.
That is a fist pump.
And a crotch grab all in one picture.
He's pretty awesome.

Seriously?

I can't believe the things I find myself saying lately.

Seriously.

"We do not put our wenis on the dinner table." In case you thought that wasn't an obvious fact of life/rule/common sense, well in our house it is not. At least when your are two ("annna haveeeeeeeee") Seriously.

"Your undies do not belong on your head."

"Stop touching (insert anybody's name) nipples."

"Get the toothbrush out of your pants."

"Glow sticks do not belong in your ears. Or your nose."

"I will give you chocolate and donuts for breakfast -  if you stay in your bed." Usually quickly followed up by..."Seriously, I swear if you get out of this bed again you will not get to go to school tomorrow." Memo to self: you are punishing but NOBODY. But maybe yourself.

"No weapons allowed at nap time."

"No licking the elf."

"Cookie monster is pretend sweetie. He doesn't really want to eat your cookie."

"I know you really want to take a bath, but it's past bedtime. You can take a bath on Friday." My 4 year old actually replied very in super whine "Buuuuuttttttaaaaa we neverrrrr take bathssss". LIE. No one even wants a bath unless it's bedtime!

"Do not bite your brother."

"Take Batman out of your cereal."

Things have been super exciting and chaotic around our house lately. Most days I find myself thinking is this for real, like is this really happening?

And it is.  

Seriously.

Say what???

This is really a just for mama post. After all the whole purpose of the blog is to remember these bitties in all their glory. Things were hearing a lot of in this house.

Max

Max does this crazy like "HUH"? I need to capture it on film. He says it about 50 times a day an hour. No matter how many times we repeat ourselves to clarify what we are trying to tell him we get the same response. HUH? Its high pitched and hilarious.

At any given moment, Max might bust in to song as well. His song of choice - Happy Birthday. Except it sounds a lot more like appy bow-doe. The words are a little unclear, but the tune is perfection. He hums it, just right.

I was sure, absolutely, that one of Max's first words would be Mason. Or some cute variation of his brother's name. He admires all things Mason, yet two years in he refuses to attempt to say his name. He calls him brother, except it sounds nothing really like brother - more like baby. "bay bay". But it is for sure what he calls Mason, no doubt.

And in classic two year old fashion were hearing a whole 'lotta NO and whole more "I DO" (die do). You do it baby, you do it.

Mason
 

Mason has this weird obsession (lately) with the middle. Not just any middle, but every middle, and "the really middle" . Yeah don't ask, I don't know. Generally he is really gentle with his new baby brother and looks out for Max when were out and about, but he is not above pushing either, or both, brothers out of the way to make sure he is snuggled in the middle. Natrually, the middle IS the best. We can thank Oreo cookies for that phenomenon. I'm not really sure when it started or better yet why it started, but it is big news around here.

And like all children, it's also big news about "who has the most" and "what's cooler" and "whose is better". This usually ALWAYS happens throughout our day. I especially love when he throws me a curveball toughie. "Mommy, what's cooler: staying home and taking a nap (because he's smart, he knows this is Max's afternoon destiny) or going to the movies with my cousins and Grandpa?" See, toughie. Like, hmmm, let me think for oh, five seconds. I'm just thankful (that for now) Max can't sense the gloating and sarcasm that this pint sized four year old exudes. And ak-shully (as Mason says it) I think I'll vote for a nap. Because that'd be awesome in the next century guys.

Say what? That's what (is being said in these parts).

Mason-isms.

I know it's common parental practice to think you have the most beautiful baby who then becomes the most developmentally advanced toddler ever who obviously turns in to most intelligent, borderline genius preschooler. Right? Oh wait..that's just me? Er...so I do think that sometimes and rightfully because Mason can put a puzzle together in .5 seconds, that totally qualifies him for Harvard Law right? Okay, okay, I get it, I'm biased, slightly, would you prefer the term considerably biased?

Biased or not, Mason is a hoot. That kid comes up with some off the wall, hilarious stuff. I feel like I'm always cracking up. Many nights, after bitty's are tucked in and I go to relive a story with Michael I have this mental block, like I can't remember a damn thing that happened all day long (except the multiple "meals" I cooked, had refused and thrown away for the boys).

Essentially that is why I started this blog. For myself to remember the good, the bad, the ugly when the boys aren't so little and maybe not wanting to be their mom's best (or only) friend. I feel like I don't share enough of the conversations, so I'm going to start recording all the funny's Mason comes up with. These are what I call "Mason-isms".

So far this week he's cracked us up with the following:

1.On the walk home from the park I asked Mason for one goldfish cracker. He looked at me slightly perplexed, mildy peeved and sighed "Okay mommy, just one. Listen to my words, (slowly speaking and raising him voice) JUST ONE, DO YOU HEAR MY WORDS MOMMY?" After I took just one as firmly instructed, he said "Oh mommy I like it when you listen to me. You a good wittle girl". Listen is usually pronounced "wissen". I guess he's been listening to my words a little much.

2.For this one you need a little back story.

{Mason has this overkill obsession with playing on my computer. The V-Tech kid laptop, no, no that is not enough. Let's get our hands real greasy and sticky and play mommy's computer. Anyway, we try to keep it educational and all that jazz and let's get real, how much trouble can a kid get into on Sesame Street's website. No matter the time limit he's given, a fit always ensues when it's time to get off the computer and do anything else. So usually we have to get all bossy like real parents and say "See that red x up in the corner, you have two choices, you can click it, or I will." This of course is rarely complied with and a screaming flailing 29 pound child is usually carried off to the torture chamber we call a bathtub. Yesterday we were getting ready for the park and I was checking my email one last time to see if something I was waiting for had been shipped.}

Mason was done being patient and looked at me dead in the eye and told me "Mommy you got one minute to push that red X and if you don't do, I will. You got that?" I couldn't do anything but laugh as my tyrannical three year old X-ed out my Mozilla window.

3. We borrowed my sister's Wii to give Mason an extra fun night of entertainment. He loves Super Mario Brothers even though it's far to advanced for a 3 year old (and his computer game failure mother). Rule is I go first and make sure all harm is out of Mario's (Mason's) way. We were on a roll, I was stomping mushrooms and de-shelling turtles like a champ. Mason looked at me so happily and proud as Mario ran swiftly behind in a path clear of destruction. He smiled at me and said "Mommy thanks for having my back". Of course, I had to laugh, but then said, "I always will".

4. So believe it or not I do own and use a vacuum. We have wood flooring (or fake wood I suppose) and so my huge area rug often gets a little shake outside to minimize my household 'chores'. Therefore, when the vacuum does make his grand appearance my boys faces look like I am chasing them in a hockey mask with a huge machete. Horror. Mason was mid Dora episode when I busted it out a few days ago. His eyes grew to the size of Jupiter and he said "Dat is NOT a vacuum, DAT is a monster mommy". I smirked and nodded, because I couldn't agree more. However I think it will fare well if we continue vacuuming once a year baby.