{1 month}

Alexander,

Wow. It's been an entire month since you were born. It was a quick month sweet guy. You slept a lot of it away, mostly during the days, keeping me up most of the nights. Your at least ten pounds, most of which I believe is being held hostage in your cheeks. Everywhere we go, people stop to comment on your thick head of hair.

You have two dimples. A pair of pouty lips too die for - your bottom lip, oh man, it's going to win you basically anything you want in life. EVER. You legs are so skinny and long, your feet are huge, you hands are soft as can be. The only thing you prefer to sleeping is eating. Though your constant want and need to be fed is taking a lot of my sleep away (and really, one thing I need is a good night's sleep - ask anyone) I love holding you closely while you eat. I take this time to examine your every feature. I study your lips and chin as you suck, you smack your little lips and every single time you eat you lay your hand right between my breasts. You take deep breaths and I've memorized the rhythm of each inhale and exhale.

I have tried to, and am succeeding in savoring (almost) every minute of your newborness. It is fleeting. Each morning when I wake up, a little bit of the newness of your face fades. I'm not sure when a newborn technically becomes an infant, but I think we are about to embark on that milestone. I am so excited to watch you grow, to watch you form a strong bond with your brothers, but I am aware that you are my last chance to relish the firsts. The first smile, the first laugh, the first time you roll over. With your first moments I will be closing a chapter of babyhood, the very last baby. I want to remember the way you clench your fists when you eat or get anxious, the way your ears lay flatly against your head, the way your big toe nails grows in raggedly. I want to remember it all - every detail.

 Sometimes you laugh in your sleep. It starts with just a little smirk, a tease of what is about to come. Then the whimper, the giggle and alas, the smile. You flash both dimples and as quickly as the smile was flaunted, you wipe it away, and silence falls over your face. I'm sure there is some super smart scientific explanation to why tiny newborns do this and maybe it's just involuntary. But I don't want to hear it; it makes my heart want to explode. The sight and sound of you giggling is worth missing sleep for. And trust me, have I mentioned, we are missing some sleep.

Speaking of sleep - you refuse to fall in to a deep slumber, unless your being held or on your belly. You're my very first belly sleeper. And it's against all the pediatrician and parenting rules, this belly sleeping business. But you don't care about any of that. You are a rule breaker.

I'm all over the place in this letter. Not sure what I want to tell you. Except, that you are wonderful. You are adorable. You love to snuggle and although I am not a fan of cuddling, I will cherish every cuddle you will give me. I will nuzzle your soft, plump cheeks. And I will kiss you a thousand times every single day. I want you to know that even though you are not my first baby, you came with a novelty all of your own. You are special to us in the same way both your brothers are, but in a different way too.

I want you to know that in one short, very quick month, you have completely won me over. I love you with every breath in my body. I am so glad you are all mine.

Happy one month Alexander. Thank you for every snuggle, every unintentional giggle, and mostly for cherished and savored moments you've given me. I know we'll have many more firsts together, but they won't be these moments, we'll never have these days back, and while they've been busy and incredibly lazy - they've been fabulous.

Loving you always.
Mama