masonisms.

• The other day I was rushed getting ready for Mason's school Easter egg hunt. I had no more than ten minutes to get both Alexander and myself presentable, grab Mason's basket, load Max and be out the door. I slid my closet door open and lo and behold a maxi dress. PERFECT. Maybe it will look like I haven't been bathed in newborn spit up and showered this week. Mason anxiously walked in the room to ask when we were leaving. He did a double take and asked, "Mommy, why are you wearing that shirt? Are you getting married today?" Apparently I should probably try to get dressed in something besides a t shirt or pajamas in the next six weeks.

• Mason had a huge growth spurt recently so almost all of his clothes aren't fitting. I took the opportunity to take him shopping, just the two of us. He loved it. He insisted on picking out all his own clothes. For the first time I had little to no say in his wardrobe. Thankfully - homeboy has some style. As we were checking out at Gap he grabbed some really adorable aviator style glasses and declared "Oh my gosh Mommy, I have GOT TO HAVE THESE". Later, we were trying on swimsuits, we'd already picked one, but I saw another really cute one (you can never have too many swimsuits!!) and instead of going all the way back to the dressing rooms I told him to just hurry and try it on right there. He obliged and undressed himself down to some cute Spiderman undies - a lady passed by with her daughter and Mason looked at me with red cheeks and said "AWKWARD". I was dying of laughter. He's quite the sass.

• After a long day of boating Michael had jokingly told Mason he was SO hungry he was going to eat Max. Instead of being sad, confused or slightly worried for his younger brother Mason was so excited to eat him also. When they walked back in to the condo at the lake he exclaimed proudly "Mommy start up the fire, were gonna grill up Max and EAT HIM". He was DEAD SERIOUS. I even had to tell him that Michael was just kidding. He pouted and said "Please let's grill him up Mommy!!!" I agree - Max is DELICIOUSLY adorable, but we will NOT be eating our little brother today Mase. Sorry kiddo. 

• Mason's class had their Easter lunch/party a few weeks ago. I took all three of the boys so it was a little hectic, because Max runs amok like the classroom is his palace. I recently learned (from our Fiesta party outing) that it wasn't really realistic to have Max walking, while I fed Alexander next to the parking lot. I came prepared this time, Max in stroller and a bottle ready for baby. Towards the end of the lunch and egg hunt, Alexander got a little fussy so I got his bottle out and started feeding him. Mason - the proud big brother he is - started telling all his little friends about his new baby and how he cries a lot, sometimes he laughs (but he really doesn't) and how he eats ALL THE TIME (he really does). Out of nowhere Mason's raspy voice started to get a little louder, a little louder, and then boom in full on yell he exclaims "...and sometimes my mommy feeds that baby with her NIPPLES". Inside voice Mase, INSIDE VOICE.

masonisms.

Some of these aren't that funny. They just mark the thoughts of a curious, sweet, innocent, adorable, sometimes rowdy 3 year old - who's edging eerily close to turning four.

• "The letter of the day is F mommy. Like for feathers and fam-awee, oh, and cheez-its." The kid loves cheez its and I think this was his way of wanting to celebrate letter F with some cheddar deliciousness.
  
• "Tonight I'm going to dream about you mommy". As I was taking in the sweetness, he added "...and pumpkins and ALLIGATORS!!". So maybe I'm not the only thing he thinks about..
• Over Halloween weekend. "Mommy that's a lot of candy. If you eat more of my candy your teeth will fall out!" [said with confidence and a little anger]. That's silly who told you that Mase. "You did Mommy!". Busted. Step away from the Snickers, mama.
• We went to eat burgers and I snuck chicken fingers on the menu for the boys to share. Somewhere mid meal Mason realized I had a burger and he said "Hey that's what I shoulda got! You tricked me". I tricked you indeed. "Hey, Mommy, you know what? Sharing is caring. And that rhymes". Mason - 1 Mommy - 0. For the record, I did share my burger. As hard as that is to believe.
• To almost anything we say these days regarding bath, bed, dinnertime. "Mommy/Daddy, YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" No I am not kidding, you do have to eat your corn, take a bath and go to bed before 3:30 AM. Sorry kiddo.

He's growing up in to quite the little talker. He has more wit and sarcasm in his 3 foot body than most people have in their entire LIFE. He's a keeper. More Mason-isms to come, I'm sure.

more mason-isms,

Summer means a lot of things. One thing it's meant this summer is eating out. In January I vowed to cook more meals at home for the four of us. Between morning sickness (which is a new world for me and not fun in the least) and the heat and the busy schedules and Michael being in and out of town, we've resorted to some quick pick ups. Chic Fil A might be our favorite. The nuggets are delicious, a lot of nights they do the kids eat free, and of course there is a playground. I have only a few choices on where to eat out - they all have a play scape, sandbox or huge field for kids to run wild in. Trust me other wise it's not pretty.

• Mason: "Mommy I love when we eat here."
• Me: "It is really yummy and fun, huh? I think Max loves it too" (Max scarfing down nuggets and soft serve shrieking in joy while clapping)
• Mason: "He does love it. We both do. We think you are the best cook ever when you cook us Chic Fil A".

Well I suppose once again my cooking skills are outed. Mason's favorite meals I make him are Chic Fil A and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Awesome. I suppose I need to up my game in the kitchen this Fall.

Masonism 2 took place at a hair salon. Mason's hair grows so quick. It's super cute and shaggy, but it's as straight as a board. Which leads to bangs in his eyes and sometimes a scraggly little mullet-ish 'do. We had his bangs trimmed just so he wasn't complaining in the pool. It turned in to a funky bowl cut. I sported the bowl cut all through elementary school and promised myself I'd never allow my children that hair cut. Ever. So we went to have it shortened up for back to school. I told the lady I really wanted it short but just not buzzed. She didn't take out her clippers and spent an eternity trimming it with scissors. Thirty minutes (and 4 dum dums later) it looked the same, but just a shorter bowl. We compromised, she busted out some clippers and he got a short hairdo. He was closely examining his cut from his McQueen car chair. He looked kind of perplexed.

• Mason: "Ummm, I think maybe we should fix the top with some spikes on it, mmkay?"
• Salon Lady: A little confused. "Umm if that's okay with your mommy?"
• Mason: "My mommy loves spikes. It's okay. Let's do it"

Well, we totally DID it. Spikes is back. And he loves his spikes. He won't let me turn the car A/C on because "It will make my spikes flat". Umm, it's August and 100 degrees Mason, I don't think your spikes will mind.

jeopardy .

In the car Mason and I talk. A lot. This week I wanted to "quiz" him and see what answers he came up with for some of my important and then not so important questions. I'd have to give him a C. His answers were funny and the laughing that took place was well deserved on his part. He is such a riot and I seriously don't know where he comes up with half of the things that slip out of his mouth. He speaks the truth, well his truth.

Me: "If someone hits you what do you do?"
Mason: "Hit 'em right back. But harder 'den they hit you. Right Mommy? Das what you do? I push 'em hard until they fall. Just like when I push Max."

WRONG.

Me: "If a stranger says to come with them do you go?"
Mason: "Yes. Wait. Do I? Hmm. Maybe I stay wif my teachers."
Me: "Honey, do you know what a stranger is?"
Mason: "Yes. A kind of tiger."
Me: "Mm good guess, but it is not a tiger."
Mason: "I don't know. But I am going wif dem never. Rwight?"

Right. We'll work more on the stranger danger later. For now, I think Max has it covered. Because, Mr. Stranger look at him, I dare you, he will lose his shit. I dare you.

Me: "Next, question. Do we eat candy before bed?"
Mason: "No because you should be reading your books and candy makes your hands sticky and sticky hands make mommy mad and books makes you nice and I should be reading" (All said in 30 seconds, with no breathing in between words. Hello run on sentence of the century).
Pause.
Mason (again): "And no candy before dinner either. Because you will get SICK. That's what Yo Gabba Gabba told me, too much candy will make you sick. Focus mommy".


Right. But you forgot to mention the cavity factor or that eating chocolate five minutes (or five hours) before bed will have you HOPPED UP on sugar and the goal of this bedtime fantasy I speak of is SLEEP. For all of us. That's why I call it a fantasy. And I am so glad to know that everything I tell you to teach you is going directly out the other ear, but please continue listening to Yo Gabba Gabba, I am sure he is a wealth of knowledge.

Me: "What are 'your manners'?"
Mason: "Yes man (ma'am), thanks for some juice, Thanks, Welcome, K? Oh and fanks for asking me dat question Mommy but I'm all done with your game because I don't know anymore and I'm done talking now".

Well thank you for using your manners.

Me: "Just one more question please!"
Mason: "(sigh) Okay Mommy, just one more."
Me: "Who's birthday is coming up!?"
Mason: "Max, but not me. Because I just had my birfday. Now I'm free. And then I'll be 4,5,6,7,8,9 and 10."
Me: "Is Max getting a cake?"
Mason: "Yup a dinosaur cake because I wike those."Me: "But you already had your cake at your birthday. When you were three, remember?"
Mason: "Yes I remember. But itI still like them even though it is not my birfday. And he doesn't know his words, DATS WHY HE CRIES (said very loudly to make sure I got it). So I'm picking for him and I picked a dinosaur cake. Okay?!"

Because that all totally makes sense. Were going to have one pissed off dinosaur lover when the June bash rolls around and there is no myriad of dinosaur figurines atop the birthday cake. Sorry Mason sometimes you don't always get whatcha' want, or something like that.

And because I'm super sneaky I snuck in another question under Mason's super "No thank you I'm done talking" radar.Me: "When Mommy is driving can she use her cell phone?"
Mason: Very firmly spoken. "NO. because you cannot see if you are on the phone. Remember, always be careful on the road, don't hit any people or roads or trees and stuff because you will get hurt and go to timeout. And Daddy will NOT buy you another car. Okay?"

Because I can see out of my ears right? I am magical like that. Almost like a witch.
And there you have Jeopardy ala Mason. It appears that my child would go with a stranger, if they let him watch Yo Gabba Gabba and eat candy before bed time, but hey, at least, he'd say please. Raw and unedited, straight from the mouth of babes. I'll file this as a mini-Masonism.

masonisms. edition 2.

Conversation 1:
Michael: "I need to tie your shoes, you know one day you'll learn to tie your own shoes."
Mason: "I will tie my shoes when I am twelve dada."

Oh excellent, maybe when you are twelve you can move to your bedroom too. Eh, just an idea.

Conversation 2:
We just got home from vacationing and Max hasn't been overjoyed with reentering his crib at night alone. Bedtime usually means a little (if any) crying and no noises from baby within three minutes of laying him down. But tonight was brutal. Max was pissed and was not letting the whole neighborhood know. Michael decided to go get him but was mid game with Mason.

Me: "Mason, Daddy is going to get Max and I'm going to finish Chutes and Ladders with you, okay?"
Mason: "No. If Dada leaves then I'm going to scream like Max."

Solution not solved, but thanks for the heads up bud.

Conversation 3:
Me: "Mason do you know why you are so cute?"
[Planning to be a smart ass and tell him "Because your mine".]
Mason: "Because I'm lucky."

Yes, yes, you are very cute but I think I am the lucky one.

Mason-isms.

I know it's common parental practice to think you have the most beautiful baby who then becomes the most developmentally advanced toddler ever who obviously turns in to most intelligent, borderline genius preschooler. Right? Oh wait..that's just me? Er...so I do think that sometimes and rightfully because Mason can put a puzzle together in .5 seconds, that totally qualifies him for Harvard Law right? Okay, okay, I get it, I'm biased, slightly, would you prefer the term considerably biased?

Biased or not, Mason is a hoot. That kid comes up with some off the wall, hilarious stuff. I feel like I'm always cracking up. Many nights, after bitty's are tucked in and I go to relive a story with Michael I have this mental block, like I can't remember a damn thing that happened all day long (except the multiple "meals" I cooked, had refused and thrown away for the boys).

Essentially that is why I started this blog. For myself to remember the good, the bad, the ugly when the boys aren't so little and maybe not wanting to be their mom's best (or only) friend. I feel like I don't share enough of the conversations, so I'm going to start recording all the funny's Mason comes up with. These are what I call "Mason-isms".

So far this week he's cracked us up with the following:

1.On the walk home from the park I asked Mason for one goldfish cracker. He looked at me slightly perplexed, mildy peeved and sighed "Okay mommy, just one. Listen to my words, (slowly speaking and raising him voice) JUST ONE, DO YOU HEAR MY WORDS MOMMY?" After I took just one as firmly instructed, he said "Oh mommy I like it when you listen to me. You a good wittle girl". Listen is usually pronounced "wissen". I guess he's been listening to my words a little much.

2.For this one you need a little back story.

{Mason has this overkill obsession with playing on my computer. The V-Tech kid laptop, no, no that is not enough. Let's get our hands real greasy and sticky and play mommy's computer. Anyway, we try to keep it educational and all that jazz and let's get real, how much trouble can a kid get into on Sesame Street's website. No matter the time limit he's given, a fit always ensues when it's time to get off the computer and do anything else. So usually we have to get all bossy like real parents and say "See that red x up in the corner, you have two choices, you can click it, or I will." This of course is rarely complied with and a screaming flailing 29 pound child is usually carried off to the torture chamber we call a bathtub. Yesterday we were getting ready for the park and I was checking my email one last time to see if something I was waiting for had been shipped.}

Mason was done being patient and looked at me dead in the eye and told me "Mommy you got one minute to push that red X and if you don't do, I will. You got that?" I couldn't do anything but laugh as my tyrannical three year old X-ed out my Mozilla window.

3. We borrowed my sister's Wii to give Mason an extra fun night of entertainment. He loves Super Mario Brothers even though it's far to advanced for a 3 year old (and his computer game failure mother). Rule is I go first and make sure all harm is out of Mario's (Mason's) way. We were on a roll, I was stomping mushrooms and de-shelling turtles like a champ. Mason looked at me so happily and proud as Mario ran swiftly behind in a path clear of destruction. He smiled at me and said "Mommy thanks for having my back". Of course, I had to laugh, but then said, "I always will".

4. So believe it or not I do own and use a vacuum. We have wood flooring (or fake wood I suppose) and so my huge area rug often gets a little shake outside to minimize my household 'chores'. Therefore, when the vacuum does make his grand appearance my boys faces look like I am chasing them in a hockey mask with a huge machete. Horror. Mason was mid Dora episode when I busted it out a few days ago. His eyes grew to the size of Jupiter and he said "Dat is NOT a vacuum, DAT is a monster mommy". I smirked and nodded, because I couldn't agree more. However I think it will fare well if we continue vacuuming once a year baby.