I feel like I just woke up from a midnight feeding session of snuggling him and indulging his sweet newborn scent. And now it's August. Five years later.
People always tell you "You are going to miss this" and "Don't blink, they grow so quickly". Is it just me or does it seem like you are always so kindly reminded of this by others when your two year old won't stay in his highchair, is flinging his ketchup, and your husband and you are attempting to "tag team" your crew so each of you can quickly finish your lukewarm dinner. I'm going to miss this? As the day creeps closer.... I'm starting to think they just might be on to something.
Don't get me wrong, I will gladly partake in a hot meal where all (or most) of my children stay seated and condiments aren't worn on all of our clothing as we leave the establishment, which hopefully doesn't have to have a play scape. I won't miss that. But it all seems to go hand in hand.
And him. Oh I am going to miss him. A lot.
The harmonized, yet unorganized chaos is just life right now.
And now it's all going to change.
It's just the beginning of the change.
These uncharted waters are what make it so difficult. It's not that it's sad. Or scary. It's just unknown. And it is change. And I know change is good, but its never very easy.
I've been able to to have him pretty much all to myself for five and a half years. Now, I'm going to have to share him daily. He is so excited and anxious to start this new chapter of his life as a school aged kid. He really is. So I am really excited for him. I know he's ready. In May, as he graduated from his preschool class, I thought I was ready. And now, I just don't know. A big ole patchwork of mama bear emotions seemed to surface today.
I plan to relish these last twenty days of summer.
Just enjoying his company.
Admiring his smile, appreciating his curiosity.
Delighting in his laughter.
I want to stay up past bedtime, draw on his back while his breathing slows and his eyelids get heavy.
And watch his eyes light up as he realizes we are up way too late.
Each picture of him I take lately I seem to analyze. He looks SO OLD. Yet, he looks exactly as I remember him the minute he was first handed to me. Pink, tiny, new.
His eyes golden and twinkling. His lashes thick, substantial, and oh, so long. His lips pursed, soft, the color of a pale rose. His head all fuzzy and perfect.
A treasure.
Mine.
I knew these years would fly by and man, have they ever. These next twenty one days are going to fly too. I already know it. Too soon our time together will be limited and shared.
We are going to paint the town. I am going to drink him in.
Cause damn, MY BABY IS GOING TO KINDERGARTEN IN JUST TWENTY ONE DAYS.
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